Divorce often leaves people with feelings of anger, resentment, guilt, and sadness. These are hard emotions to navigate at the best of times. They become even more challenging when you are learning how to co-parent with your former partner. Not only are you struggling with your own grief, but their feelings can make them more stubborn, resentful, and vindictive.
If you feel like co-parenting is a daunting task, you are not alone. In this article, we offer some tips on managing turbulent dynamics between former partners who share children.
Communicate Clearly and Respectfully
Remember that co-parenting is about the well-being of your children and setting a good example for them. Communicate regularly and effectively. Stay on topic, and don’t allow your partner to bait you into an argument.
If face-to-face interactions are too intense, you can use other methods such as email or texting. This can allow you to hit the major, necessary points and avoid or ignore contention.
By prioritizing clear and respectful communication, you can help make sure your children are not caught in emotional crossfire.
Set Boundaries
Preparation is usually the best way to avoid future problems. You can set your boundaries up-front, before you embark on your co-parenting journey. This can help you avoid conflict later.
Let your partner know which topics are off-limits. Establish an understanding that your only concern is the child's welfare. Any other discussion is unnecessary, especially on matters that are sensitive, divisive, intrusive, or irrelevant.
Focus on the Children’s Needs
By putting the kids first, you may be able to avoid conflicts with a difficult ex. You don’t need to know about anything else going on with them, and they don’t need to know about your life.
It may be necessary to discuss matters that directly affect the children, like income changes, but you don’t need to go into detail with one another.
Remain open to compromise and flexibility. Your ex may be a frustrating person. They could even be someone who constantly creates messes that impact you. Even so, if you make the kids’ welfare your priority, it can be easier to bypass your irritation, work around problems, and keep things civil.
Establish a System of Open Communication
A popular strategy is to schedule regular check-ins or meetings to discuss important decisions. During these talks, you can discuss topics such as medical appointments or school schedules, and work on collaborative solutions to practical problems. Remember, keep the conversation on task, focused on the kids, and avoid discussions of anything else.
Keep your goals in mind every time you communicate with your ex. You want what is best for the kids, so set expectations for each parent’s responsibilities, and create a safe space where both parties can freely express their concerns.
These talks will not always be easy. However, creating a healthy, productive communication system can reduce conflict and promote a more positive co-parenting relationship.
Stay Calm in Conflict
Let’s face it, co-parenting with a difficult ex-partner is frustrating. Maintaining your composure will, however, make life easier. When emotions run high, it’s tempting to lash out or become defensive. Impulsive reactions like these can escalate the situation, making it nearly impossible to reach an agreement.
When your ex is being stubborn or aggressive, take a step back. Breathe deeply a few times, and focus on your self-control. Then, approach the situation rationally, without emotion taking over.
Take Time for Yourself
Make sure to take care of yourself when co-parenting. At the best of times, it is emotionally taxing to communicate with someone who hurt you in the past. It’s even harder when this person continues to be difficult and hurtful.
Prioritizing self-care can make a world of difference in your co-parenting. Dedicate time each day to a hobby you enjoy; reach out to a therapist for support; or simply carve out a few moments to take deep breaths and regroup.
Remember, to be a good parent, you must also care for yourself. Your psychological health has a direct impact on your children. By looking after your needs, you are ultimately putting the kids first and helping make their lives better.
If you’re having difficulty with your child’s co-parent, reach out to The Law Office of David A. Martin & Associates for help. We can provide mediation and help you create a more realistic parenting plan. If your ex is ignoring court orders, we can help bring your case to court and hold them to task. For a consultation with our legal team, reach out to us online. You can also call us at (916) 299-3936.
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